5+ months...where does the time (and my mind) go?!

Hard to believe it's been almost a month since my last rambling post!! =) But we are cruisin along nicely and I'm now almost 5 1/2 months preggo! In bloom, as I like to call it. Creating things left and right! Jewelry, paintings, crafts! Physically feeling great, with so much more energy these days!

But with energy, comes doing things! And with doing things, comes losing things it seems! : / So far this month, I have lost my husbands (father's!!) wedding ring in the sand while he surfed, drained my battery by leaving my car lights on, forgotten to take a quiz in one of my online courses, and shown up to work at my bar with slippers on instead of shoes. Needless to say, IM OVER IT! And my husband is DEFINATELY OVER IT.  : /  Seriously, this pregnancy brain bs is for the birds!

I'm a little scared as to how much worse it can get. I mean I was hysterical and inconsolable over the whole "irreplaceable wedding ring" thing...I seriously haven't cried that hard since I was a child. But I've decided to forgive myself, and now my worry is where does it end?! Does it end?! Or does it...*gulp*...get worse as I get bigger!!??

If that's the case...then I'm honestly going to be scared to leave my house pretty soon! Will I "forget" to check my mirrors before changing lanes on the highway?! Will I "forget" not to lay on my back and cut off circulation to my baby?! Eeeeeep! STRESSFEST 2011! Ahhhhhh!

Getting back to the positive!!

I cannot believe that I am about 3 1/2 months away from meeting this lil mermaid!! She's so active...I can feel her almost all of the time in there swimmin around! This is by far, even with all the stressful events, the greatest gift I have been given, and I couldn't be more grateful and excited! =)

XO
Chelsea

Jack of all trades...master of none??

So I'm settling into this pregnancy finally...and getting, or trying to get comfortable with the idea of adding "Mom" to my resume.  While it's something that I've always viewed as my ultimate life goal...it feels alittle strange that it's ACTUALLY happening...and happening FAST!! Eeeeep! But, settling I am, nonetheless.

When I start to consider MY identity...many things come to mind. I'm a girl, a friend, a wife, a mama-to-be, a sister, a daughter, a surfer, a singer, a musician, a lover, a child care worker, a bartender, a drinker, a student, a nature lover, a cook, a traveler, a yogi, a dancer, a live-er, a do-er, a maker, a creator...a mother?! Some of these seem conflicting at first glance...but then I realize, I am all these things. These all come together via my experiences and genetics, and culminate in the person that I am. And I will continue to add to these, and so the person that I am will continually change.

Now I am good at some of these things...others...not so much. Singing...pretty good. Dancing...eh not that good. Surfing...pretty good. Being a student...nope. Wife'n....yep! Being a neat freak...nuh uh. Traveling, bartending, living, cooking, and working with kids...for better or worse...I'd say are some of my strong points.

The point here is that I am good at many things, but am I great at any of them?! Do I have anything that others don't?! What sets me apart?! 3Where do I stand out?! What do I want?! What do I wanna do with my life?! Which path do I choose?! What is success?! How do I make a living doing what I love?!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!

I've always considered a version of success for me to be the ability to stay at home with my kids, comfortably, until they are school aged. Taking them to the beach daily, and teaching them to surf and paint and sing and play! Planting a garden with them. Teaching them to volunteer! But I also love love love the work I do with children who have autism (what I'm currently finishing my degree to do.) And I also love the idea of opening my restaurant/cafe/coffee shop at the beach, where we would host acoustic acts in the community! Even becoming an elementery teacher at my kids school one day possibly! Or creating paintings, jewelry, bags, etc. and selling them in a lil boutique and online!!

You see where this is going. If my goal is to be a good wife and mama bear, who is there for all the fun and meaningful memories, then where do all the other passions fit in?! How do I find the balance?! How can I "do it all?!" Can I "do it all?!"

These questions will not be answered here in this post. Certainly not from any comment I will recieve on this post. And they may not ever REALLY get answered...because I may not ever find my balance. I may find that "mom" is number one...and leave all other passions at the door. I may find that continuing my work with children with autism is the thing I HAVE to do, and hire help with my kids. I may open a restaurant/cafe and decide that it isn't at all what I want in life.

Only time will tell. But for now...these are the things Im struggling with. Oddly, Im completely comfortable and unafraid of the actual labor of my first child and subsequent responsibility of nurturing and taking care of her. It's the "what now," and "how do I take care of US as a family afterward" that is responsible for these wheels in my mind frantically spinning. And what's funny is my husband works and can support us, relatively speaking...certainly not as well as when there are 2 incomes.

Did you deal with these questions and issues?! And how?! Did you change anything?! Come to any conclusions?! Start a new career path?! Give one up?! I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Sorry for the rambling...blame it on the pre pre pre pre pre pregnancy. Yeah...I just referenced a Jaime Foxx song ;)
XO
Chelsea

Ahhhhhh!!! I found it, I found it....I think

http://www.etsy.com/listing/66135815/the-free-spirit?ref=cat3_gallery_5&show_panel=true

I have been searching high and low for a quilt for my lil keiki!! I finally found one (a very expensive one) on ETSY!! It's even called "The Free Spirit"...it might just be perfect. Im gonna keep looking to see if there are more, but they say when you know, you know ;)

The baby and I on Spring Break!!!

17 weeks never looked better ;) She's a tigress!! Rrrrrrrrr

The grass is always greener?

I have been a flighty girl since I can't even remember. This can be looked at as good or bad, depending who you ask. When Im in Texas, I wanna be in California...when Im in Cali, I wanna be in Hawaii...When Im in Hawaii, I wanna be with family and friends that don't live there. And so on and so forth. Basically...When Im still, I wanna move. So here I am living the life I have always dreamed of, with the man I always dreamed of, growing the baby I've always dreamed of...and my mind is still going 90 miles a minute...thinkin about where else I wanna go, what else I wanna do, what else I wanna write/say/sing!!!
I have to admit...it can get exhausting! It doesn't help that I met a man who is EXACTLY the same way. I mentioned in an earlier post that we have moved almost every 6 months since we met 4 1/2 years ago...and that is no exaggeration. We will literally be unloading our belongings into the "new place" and having a conversation about how we should get on craigslist and look into this other house/city/state. It can be pretty intense...and sometimes I stop and think..."are we MISSING it?" "are we too busy looking at what else we wanna do, where we wanna go, to REALLY enjoy what we ARE doing and where we ARE now?!" The answer for me...I honestly don't think so. The grass isn't always greener necessarily, it just needs tending too!!
And why not?! This IS it for us...this is our one shot at life...our only chance to be HERE...with each other...CREATING our life together. Our friends roll their eyes at us when we talk of coming and going, because they know that this IS us...this is who we are and what we do. And honestly Im proud of it. Im proud that my husband isn't so consumed by what he drives or how much he makes, that we can't go live in a studio beach shack in Maui. Im proud that I am still, at 27, finishing my degree (the major of which has been changed 4 times thus far...shocker, I know), because I was living/breathing/changing/moving, and couldn't focus all my energy into that at 22. And that is ok.
This is my path...OUR path...and I will be proud to bring our keiki into this kind of lifestyle. If we have our child in southern California, and then decide to move our family back to Hawaii...that's ok. If we decide after getting to Hawaii that we wanna move our family to Oregon/Costa Rica/back to Cali, etc...that's perfectly fine. If we have our babies in California, and decide to buy a home and raise our family here...so be it.
Im going to commit myself to the idea of now, and embrace it. I will not to feel badly about my decisions on life changes, or apologize for them. Things happen, things change, things stay the same. Your path is different than mine. I will encourage myself, and my family to focus not on accumulating an abundance of obsolescent things...but focus more on enjoying the present, embracing change, embracing continuity, and accumulating life experiences. I will encourage them to see the many shades of green in all types of grass...and I will encourage myself to do the same =)

XO
Chelsea
(speaking of green...Happy early St. Patty's day!!)

Meeting the doctor...

Got to have my first doctor's appt. yesterday...seems long overdue given that Im 4 months preggo now. She seemed nice, but very exhausted (she is due in April!!) She listened to my thoughts, and concerns, and hopes for a natural birth...I was excited to hear that she encourages natural birth, and that my hospital has jacuzzi tubs in every room (for laboring, not for birthing...but I'll take it.) I decided to have the genetic screenings done, 1. because I felt it couldn't hurt, 2. Id rather know of a problem before hand. I've luckily already seen my baby movin and shakin in there, and that everything (physically) is in the right place, and is the right size. And I feel alittle relieved to finally have a doctor, like Im a responsible adult now or something. Maybe it just symbolizes that it's all getting closer and closer!! I actually have a little baby bump now too, so the physical part of motherhood is rapidly approching! Now I begin meeting with Doula's, and choosing my birthing classes!! The fun stuff =)

On another note, I went and spent a decent amount of money yesterday on a painting easel, canvas', paints, brushes, textures....the works!!! Went alittle nuts, but I just kept getting all these ideas for the baby's room!! I'm the kind of decorater that needs one item...whether bought or created, to decorate around. A centerpiece if you will. And this painting that I have in mind will be just that! I will include all the colors that I want to work with, and add fun touches of fabric and things to bring it all together =)  I love gettin creative. Whether its writing a song, making something, thinking about things I wanna do, COOKING!! Makes me feel alive, and I like it. I hope everyone gets to feel that...

Stay active, stay positive, stay creative...
Chelsea
<3

The birth plan...

Okay...so I have an inner delimma goin on. Where/how to give birth to my first baby. My heart is pulling me like the moon pulls the tides. It says calmly and lovingly, "bring your baby into your world...naturally...with no fear...no drugs...no rules...just let your body do what it is innately capable of doing. And do this in your most comfortable loving enviornment." The problem with this...my insurance doesn't cover midwives, nor birthing centers, nor home birth...it only covers an OB/GYN in a giant hospital. While this approach seems practical, if not comforting for the majority of the women and families in our country, I find the idea disturbing, stressful, and honestly...depressing. The idea of so many people I don't know around for something so personal, and so special makes my skin crawl. The idea anyone telling me where, when, and how to bring my 1st born child into this world makes me angry...as if they are taking something from me...like they are removing me, the mother, from this beautiful and life altering experience. I know that it may not make sense to some...but Im just having a hard time getting past all this. Childbirth is natural. It is not medical in most cases, and in my opinion should be treated as such. It may be my hormones or simple fears that are causing this anxiety....who knows. But I do realize that the ultimate goal of all this is a healthy, happy baby. I just, more than anything, want to be present during the most important day of my life. So I will continue my studies. I will continue to read and watch as much on the subject of homebirth, waterbirth, natural birth, etc as I can. And I will above all trust my heart, my body, and womanly intuition to make the best decision for me and my ohana.
Here's to all the other mamas to be that are learning as they go...and seeking empowerment, and the birth they choose.
=)

It's a lil wahine for me =)

Soooooooo happy we finally know what's goin on in there! Nyla Dee Smith it is! She is soooo active its insane! I can't wait to hold her =)
In the last 24 hours my sister and I have bought bags of girl clothes, beanies, slippers, etc...think Im in trouble!
So the love continues <3
Chelsea

Today's the day...

Whoa...In 2 hours I get to find out the sex of this lil gummy bear!!! Im 15 weeks now, so I feel confident that we will get a blue or a pink reading!! This is insane. I can't believe how exciting it is to find out about a person that doesn't really exsist in my life yet! It makes me start thinkin about how nuts it is what we as women DO. Our purpose on this Earth is to bring life. Amazing. We are so lucky that we were chosen for such a special job. THE job if you will. I feel like I'm becoming part of an exclusive club or something. Accepting my birthright even. Its all very mystical. And I find myself becoming more and more hippie dippy because of it. But the hippies had it right. It is all about LOVE. So here's to it....
Love love love,
C

Guinness-Gingerbread Cupcakes - Fine Cooking Recipes, Techniques and Tips

Guinness-Gingerbread Cupcakes - Fine Cooking Recipes, Techniques and Tips

Yeeeoooowwwzzzaaa! A little Guiness never hurt anybody, right?!

One of many current obsessions...yummola.

My path to the present...

Aloha!!

I've never (before my current pregnancy) been inclined to create a blog before. Never really thought myself a writer...but thanks to alittle coaxing from a good friend, here I am. I'm also not sure how many people will find this blog helpful, or entertaining, but I digress. I'm a simple girl, from a semi-small town in north Texas, who decided from a very early age that traveling, and ultimately LIVING, was the path I was here to persue. And while I'd always gravitated toward the idea of living at the beach, or on an island, it was my first trip to southern California at 15 that sealed the deal. I fell in love right then and there...with the ocean, the salt, the sand, the sun, the palm trees, and most importantly, with the feeling of freedom. My first trip to Hawaii at 19 only solidified my desire to live aloha. My journey has been alot of things...unexpected, fufilling, simple, trying, lovely, and perfect. In 27 years, I've gone from Texas to Las Vegas to Texas to California to Hawaii back to Cali back to Hawaii...and now back to Cali. I've moved just about every 6 months since I was 20. I was always looking for something...and yet looking for nothing. I knew in my heart that I NEEDED to go to THAT place at THAT exact time in my life...I just didn't know why. Fast forward to the present...my favorite time and place...I'm on my couch in San Clemente, 3 1/2 months preggo, a tad thirsty, and trying my hand at blogging. The reason for this being that I have ALOT of ideas, opinions, and questions floating around in my head on life, pregnancy, childbirth, travel, music, food, etc. I find myself seeking answers and seaching for myself on this journey. So here goes...

<3
Chelsea