So I'm settling into this pregnancy finally...and getting, or trying to get comfortable with the idea of adding "Mom" to my resume. While it's something that I've always viewed as my ultimate life goal...it feels alittle strange that it's ACTUALLY happening...and happening FAST!! Eeeeep! But, settling I am, nonetheless.
When I start to consider MY identity...many things come to mind. I'm a girl, a friend, a wife, a mama-to-be, a sister, a daughter, a surfer, a singer, a musician, a lover, a child care worker, a bartender, a drinker, a student, a nature lover, a cook, a traveler, a yogi, a dancer, a live-er, a do-er, a maker, a creator...a mother?! Some of these seem conflicting at first glance...but then I realize, I am all these things. These all come together via my experiences and genetics, and culminate in the person that I am. And I will continue to add to these, and so the person that I am will continually change.
Now I am good at some of these things...others...not so much. Singing...pretty good. Dancing...eh not that good. Surfing...pretty good. Being a student...nope. Wife'n....yep! Being a neat freak...nuh uh. Traveling, bartending, living, cooking, and working with kids...for better or worse...I'd say are some of my strong points.
The point here is that I am good at many things, but am I great at any of them?! Do I have anything that others don't?! What sets me apart?! 3Where do I stand out?! What do I want?! What do I wanna do with my life?! Which path do I choose?! What is success?! How do I make a living doing what I love?!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!
I've always considered a version of success for me to be the ability to stay at home with my kids, comfortably, until they are school aged. Taking them to the beach daily, and teaching them to surf and paint and sing and play! Planting a garden with them. Teaching them to volunteer! But I also love love love the work I do with children who have autism (what I'm currently finishing my degree to do.) And I also love the idea of opening my restaurant/cafe/coffee shop at the beach, where we would host acoustic acts in the community! Even becoming an elementery teacher at my kids school one day possibly! Or creating paintings, jewelry, bags, etc. and selling them in a lil boutique and online!!
You see where this is going. If my goal is to be a good wife and mama bear, who is there for all the fun and meaningful memories, then where do all the other passions fit in?! How do I find the balance?! How can I "do it all?!" Can I "do it all?!"
These questions will not be answered here in this post. Certainly not from any comment I will recieve on this post. And they may not ever REALLY get answered...because I may not ever find my balance. I may find that "mom" is number one...and leave all other passions at the door. I may find that continuing my work with children with autism is the thing I HAVE to do, and hire help with my kids. I may open a restaurant/cafe and decide that it isn't at all what I want in life.
Only time will tell. But for now...these are the things Im struggling with. Oddly, Im completely comfortable and unafraid of the actual labor of my first child and subsequent responsibility of nurturing and taking care of her. It's the "what now," and "how do I take care of US as a family afterward" that is responsible for these wheels in my mind frantically spinning. And what's funny is my husband works and can support us, relatively speaking...certainly not as well as when there are 2 incomes.
Did you deal with these questions and issues?! And how?! Did you change anything?! Come to any conclusions?! Start a new career path?! Give one up?! I'd love to hear your thoughts...
Sorry for the rambling...blame it on the pre pre pre pre pre pregnancy. Yeah...I just referenced a Jaime Foxx song ;)
XO
Chelsea
Hey pretty lady! I hear ya on this one ... man do I want to be everywhere doing every thing at all times! There is SOOOO MUCH to conquer in the time we are here! It's hard to choose the what-where & when ... but how blessed are we to have all these options! We are not limited and anything is possible! It sounds like you already answered your own questions here ... truth being- you can assume & imagine all you want but you will not know until you are there living the actual experience. Like you said things are constantly changing so what works for you now may not work later... change is amazing... it is growth! My advice would be to DO IT ALL & see what works ... if it doesn't work don't view it as failure but growth b/c with each experience you have nothing to lose and only more clarity of who you are - what you want & what works for you. You have one life to live so why not experience as much as possible and make it your best! The most important thing is trying your best and living in the here & now, appreciating every breath-not taking anything for granted! Which you already have that down! Life is a journey and not a destination so attempt everything and if it doesn't work, learn & grow- kick it to the curb & on with the next! I hope this helped! Much love! xoxoxox -TEEEE
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